I have been thinking a lot lately about my sweet Blair. Not that I don't every single day at one time or another, but just a lot of milestones are coming up soon that have made me think a lot. For one....tomorrow marks 6 months since losing Blair. That is HALF a year! So surreal as I realize how fast the time has gone, yet also how slowly. It's such a weird feeling being trapped in the reality of what only seems like a nightmare. And knowing that it isn't going to go away- I am not going to wake up and have Blair with me. It has already been a 6 month nightmare that hasn't changed. Everyone has said that with time it does get easier, and they are right...it definitely does. I have less sad days then before, but the reality is that there are STILL sad days. And I think it's normal for there to always be some sad days. It's just a part of this new reality. The thing I cling onto and feel hope from, however, is that I will spend more days WITH Blair in eternity someday then I will spend WITHOUT her and missing her here on Earth. What an amazing promise from the Lord! How sweet those days will be! Blair has given me a new found hope for eternity with a more eternal perspective and what a sweet gift that is!
It feels like only yesterday that I felt Blair alive and moving inside me, excited for the future. And now I am left wondering how it will feel knowing it's another baby that I will feel moving soon and not Blair. Makes me long for my baby girl, but also excited for the restoration of new life. Yet another mix of emotions...
Another milestone coming up soon is Mothers Day. While this is a great day to honor Moms (I truly do have the best!), it is also a reminder that while I am still a mom, I don't have my child here to prove it. I know your thinking--"Oh Brooke! You are definitely a mom no matter what! Especially since you are pregnant now!" And I would say I definitely know that, but it doesn't change the fact that it is hard and that I don't have Blair here with me. I feel so blessed to be the mom of two now, but I just long for the day when my arms will be full! I read a quote from a fellow Hope Moms blog that really hit home and I could really relate to, so I want to share it:
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died-your not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." (Elizabeth Edwards)
Before all this happened, I would have felt the same way if someone I knew had gone through this. I wouldn't know what to say and would feel like I didn't have the right words. And honestly, you may think your words aren't enough or that you would mess it up, but sometimes the only way to show you care is to say it. And speaking from someone who has been through hard times, any thoughtful expression no matter how big or small means so very much! All you want to know is that people have not forgotten your loved one. All that to say....the best Mothers Day gift is just that. Just knowing that you haven't forgotten our sweet Blair and not being afraid to tell us. And this is not to say that we have not felt everyones love and prayers shower over us because we definitely have in SOO many ways!! It's just to say that it's ok to mention Blair's name and the fact that we ARE parents to two. We are even to the point where we won't even cry (every time) talking about her, so no worries that it will become a very somber moment the minute you mention her to us. We LOVE to talk about our baby Blair and her new sibling! And we LOVE to hear of moments where she came up in your conversations or if something reminded you of her. They truly are gifts to us! :-)