Thursday, May 31, 2012

Many updates!

It has been awhile since I posted and I feel like a lot has happened at the Schuelke house that I will attempt to update in this one post. So thanks for your patience in reading this novel... 

Baby #2:
My pregnancy is going great so far with no sickness to speak of!! I think I feel even better this go around then last. I think it's because I've been able to get a lot more rest without working, but who knows! I think it's also just a blessing from the Lord! I've had great appointments and lots of pictures from ultrasounds, which I will try to post soon. I am officially in my 2nd trimester-14 weeks- so that is a relief! And I can say that I definitely have the baby bump! Much sooner then last time, which I have heard is normal for 2nd time around...I hope!! My next appointment is with the high risk doctor on June 4 for an ultrasound and consultation. We will get to meet Dr. Bruner and talk about the game plan for this pregnancy. We are looking forward to seeing our little blessing again and to hear another perspective. My OB appointment with Dr. McBrayer will be the same week on June 8. Prayers are so appreciated as the appointments seem to be the hardest and bring the most anxiety for me so far. Thanks so much!! 

We are officially back in our house!! It has been wonderful being in our own bed again with our own bathroom, closet, kitchen, etc. Our remodel is 95% done with carpet and a few odds and ends to still finish. The kitchen is all set up for the most part besides the final decorative and some organizational touches. We absolutely love it and feel so blessed to live in such a nice home! Our couches are on concrete until everything is done and we can put carpet in, but it's nothing to complain about. I still want to wait to post final pictures because clutter is still something that is EVERYWHERE! We still have construction going on in our addition that includes our master bedroom, bathroom, and closet. It will be AMAZING when it's all done! Our construction guy, Jake, is still working hard living in a trailer behind our house to get it done. Another blessing because it just means it gets done even faster with him close by. I feel like we are finally on the final run of decisions to be made and let me tell you...we are about sick of decisions! But I am treating it as a full time job and know it will all be worth it in the end. Although I've never seen a job where the money leaves this fast instead of coming in! :-/ :-{ Sigh...I am blessed to have such a wonderful husband who works so hard to provide, allowing me to be a stay at home wife and soon to be mommy! :-)

Dog troubles:
It has been a rough couple weeks when it comes to the furry members of our family. We had a dog, JJ, that was just dropped off at our house about 4 years ago. He has always been a little cowardly toward strangers, but loved Clint and I. I became immediately attached as he also became attached to me. Well, he has always been wary of men for some reason and even though Jake (our construction guy) has been working at our house for 8 months with no problems, JJ all of a sudden decided to bite him on the pant leg. Didn't break skin, but was enough to break the trust between him and Jake, and us as well. We had to start pinning him up in our shop when we weren't home. One day when I was home, I let him out of the shop and he seemed to be fine until we had a rattlesnake in our carport that made him nervous. After a series of events including pistol shots to kill the snake and me putting him inside the house, JJ became very scared. When the craziness was over, I tried to carry him out of the house and he proceeded to get scared, growl, and bite my foot. This, of course, scared me pretty bad and immediately broke my trust of him. Let's just say that was not a good day for me!! We then had to make the decision to get rid of him. I could not handle the thought of him doing that to one of my kids someday! I also didn't want people to be scared to come over to my house! So unfortunately, with the method unknown to me, we do not have him anymore. This was and still is very sad for me because I honestly loved that dog after 4 years of having him around. However, after everything we have been through in the last year...this did not rank as worst! I know that God is in control and could be preventing something worse in the future from happening, and for that I am thankful!!

Lake house:
Clint's parents just recently bought a lake house in Abilene on Fort Phantom Hill Lake. It is super nice and convenient being only about 2 hours away. I imagine lots of weekend/summer get aways in the near future with me sitting in the shade, sipping my ice water, eagerly awaiting the arrival of baby blessing #2!! There will also be many years ahead of great memories with babies, cousins, dominoes, skiing, fishing, watermelon, sunscreen, and so much more... AND some good visiting time with my Abilene hope moms! :-)

I will finally be making a debut to Albuquerque, NM very soon to stay with my family and see some of my closest friends! I haven't been "home" since October of last year so I am super excited! I will also get to see one of my BFF's Leanne DeRemer as she and her husband will be back visiting the states after serving 2 years as missionaries in Cambodia. Really looking forward to catching up and spending time with the people I love! More to come on that soon!

Holden Uganda:
I will soon be posting an update about the status of funds to start Blair's well in Africa! Thanks so much to everyone who has helped to get us closer to our goal! We don't know who you are yet, but we will soon find out! Stay tuned for more info on that to come...

Well, there is a little peek into the world of Brooke and Clint! Thanks for taking the time to read, and...fingers crossed...I will be posting more again soon! Have a blessed day!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Lots of thoughts...

I have been thinking a lot lately about my sweet Blair. Not that I don't every single day at one time or another, but just a lot of milestones are coming up soon that have made me think a lot. For one....tomorrow marks 6 months since losing Blair. That is HALF a year! So surreal as I realize how fast the time has gone, yet also how slowly. It's such a weird feeling being trapped in the reality of what only seems like a nightmare. And knowing that it isn't going to go away- I am not going to wake up and have Blair with me. It has already been a 6 month nightmare that hasn't changed. Everyone has said that with time it does get easier, and they are definitely does. I have less sad days then before, but the reality is that there are STILL sad days. And I think it's normal for there to always be some sad days. It's just a part of this new reality. The thing I cling onto and feel hope from, however, is that I will spend more days WITH Blair in eternity someday then I will spend WITHOUT her and missing her here on Earth. What an amazing promise from the Lord! How sweet those days will be! Blair has given me a new found hope for eternity with a more eternal perspective and what a sweet gift that is! 

It feels like only yesterday that I felt Blair alive and moving inside me, excited for the future. And now I am left wondering how it will feel knowing it's another baby that I will feel moving soon and not Blair. Makes me long for my baby girl, but also excited for the restoration of new life. Yet another mix of emotions...

Another milestone coming up soon is Mothers Day. While this is a great day to honor Moms (I truly do have the best!), it is also a reminder that while I am still a mom, I don't have my child here to prove it. I know your thinking--"Oh Brooke! You are definitely a mom no matter what! Especially since you are pregnant now!" And I would say I definitely know that, but it doesn't change the fact that it is hard and that I don't have Blair here with me. I feel so blessed to be the mom of two now, but I just long for the day when my arms will be full! I read a quote from a fellow Hope Moms blog that really hit home and I could really relate to, so I want to share it:
"If you know someone who has lost a child, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died-your not reminding them. They didn't forget they died. What you're reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and that is a great gift." (Elizabeth Edwards) 

Before all this happened, I would have felt the same way if someone I knew had gone through this. I wouldn't know what to say and would feel like I didn't have the right words. And honestly, you may think your words aren't enough or that you would mess it up, but sometimes the only way to show you care is to say it. And speaking from someone who has been through hard times, any thoughtful expression no matter how big or small means so very much! All you want to know is that people have not forgotten your loved one. All that to say....the best Mothers Day gift is just that. Just knowing that you haven't forgotten our sweet Blair and not being afraid to tell us. And this is not to say that we have not felt everyones love and prayers shower over us because we definitely have in SOO many ways!! It's just to say that it's ok to mention Blair's name and the fact that we ARE parents to two. We are even to the point where we won't even cry (every time) talking about her, so no worries that it will become a very somber moment the minute you mention her to us. We LOVE to talk about our baby Blair and her new sibling! And we LOVE to hear of moments where she came up in your conversations or if something reminded you of her. They truly are gifts to us! :-)

Sunday, May 6, 2012

11 weeks and counting...

So sorry for not updating sooner! Life has been busy and full of craziness! As I mentioned in my last post, I had my first OB appointment with baby #2 on April 18th. Well it's now been over 3 weeks since the appointment and I am just now getting to blog about it! 

The appointment went great! I had a lot of anxiousness going into it because it was the first time back as a pregnant patient since everything with Blair happened. I was so nervous to go back into the same ultrasound room with the same sonographer (is that what they are called??). More on that later...
My appointment was at 2:00 and my mom (who was in town helping me with my house) and Clint were there with me. We were met by my doctor who was very excited to see us and so encouraging and uplifting about everything. She had a great game plan and had done a lot of research to prepare for this time around. She offered for me to go to a specialist- "high risk"- doctor on top of my appointments with her, which I agreed to do. This will make sure there are many different eyes on this pregnancy and really give me more peace that the baby and I are being monitored closely. SO thankful for that security! She did say, however, that God has the first slot in everything so that was also such an encouragement and reassurance. God knows our baby better then we do and I find peace in that truth. 
 Going back to the ultrasound...It was a total God thing because I ended up being in a totally different room with a different sonographer! I think it really helped my nerves a lot! My doctor said it was definitely a God thing (although I do think God can work through people and may have given her the insight that it may be better to not be in the same room etc. So her word may or may not have made it happen). As I saw my baby and heard their heartbeat it was such an unreal, emotional experience! That heartbeat is honestly the sweetest sound I will ever hear and I was so relieved to hear it! We had a good report with baby looking good and growing right on track. My official due date is November 24 and won't change from here on out. My doctor did mention that she will probably induce me at 39 weeks and I am confident that the Lord already knows our baby's birthday. It is all in His hands no matter what! 
Our next appointment is Friday, May 11- Blair's 6 month bday in heaven. Sure to be a very bittersweet day, but filled more with joy then sadness as we get to check on Blair's sibling. I am amazed at God's timing and am reminded again that He knows what's best. We will also have another ultrasound May 17. So continued prayers are appreciated so much!
I will also be seeing a high risk doctor at the beginning of June, so more on that to come...
Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers for our hearts and our baby! They are appreciated more then you know! I have felt a lot of peace that can only come from your prayers! 

Here is a picture of our sweet baby at 8 weeks 4 days. I made the huge mistake of accidentally leaving the pictures on the dash of my car, which made the pictures become a little darker. I was so glad they were still easily seen! Oops! Don't do that fellow mommies!