As I reflect on what to write in this post, my mind goes to both of my sweet babies. Not just the one I have in my arms, but also my little one in heaven. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about her. Most of the time it brings a smile to my face knowing she is in a place of complete happiness- not a place of painful gas, spitting up, or tiredness that Landon is in sometimes. She does not know what it is like to cry, to be in pain, or be sad. And that is just surreal to think about. Because as humans on this earth we feel all kinds of emotions with pain and sadness very much apart of our life.
(I wrote this blog when Landon was 3 1/2 months old- mid February...that just shows you I had good intentions, but just didn't finish it so I am not going to try and change this, but I will just make a new updated post soon because he has changed SO MUCH!)
Landon is now 3 1/2 months old, and I am grateful that he only knows pain when his stomach is giving him fits, which I have narrowed down to my intake of dairy products- ever since I stopped drinking my daily glass of milk and eating cheese like it's another food group ha!- he seems to have less painful cries. He is also one who NEEDS his sleep! If he doesn't get his naps for the day he is one cranky boy...takes after his mom and dad there! Other then that he is absolutely the happiest baby ever! He loves to smile and kick his feet and is "talking" so much! He makes all kinds of noises and seems like he tries to mimic us and the sounds we make to him. He has discovered his hands now and pulls them into his mouth often. He hasn't grabbed hard toys yet, but loves to pull blankets and his burp cloths to his face. He is sleeping at least a 6 hour stretch most nights now and goes back to sleep until around 8 or 9 am, which is wonderful for his momma who loves to sleep! His nap length varies from day to day, but he takes at least 3 a day in his bed if we are home. He is eating around 5-6 times a day and strictly breastfeeding, which has been a sweet time for me to be with him. Just amazing to think that my body is providing him what he needs to survive-(Thank you Lord for the blessing of being able to breastfeed!) He is wearing 3 month clothes and they fit him really well. He has been able to wear each outfit at least 2 or more times, so it is nice to get some use of his clothes since he didn't last real long in newborns. It won't be too long until we move into 3-6 month clothes and he is already wearing 3-6 month pjs. He LOVES bath time and now takes one with his momma-much easier that way! We have also figured out that Landon is very hot natured! If he is upset, we usually just stand with him next to a fan and he immediately calms down. And sometimes all you have to do is pull his socks off or roll down the window and he is a happy camper again! Oh my! What will the summer be like when it will be hard to cool him off quickly!?! Haha! Landon is truly the joy of our lives and we have LOVED every minute the Lord has blessed us to have with him!
Going back to my first thought, I know it is inevitable that Landon will experience sadness in this life, and I wish I could keep it from happening. But I know it is what makes us human, and it's those moments of sadness that we realize just how much we need a Savior. It makes us long for heaven even more where there is no sadness. As I look at my little boy and experience every milestone with him, it brings my thoughts to Blair and just how much I did miss out of with her. I never got to see her smile, hear her coos, change her diaper, pick out her clothes, swaddle her to sleep, kiss her little tummy, or see her excited to see me each time I opened the door after she slept. Oh how I miss her and wanted to experience those sweet moments with her. But it makes me that much more grateful that I have these moments with Landon. Every child is a blessing! And every time I look at Landon it makes my heart so full it could burst! To think, that is the kind of love that Jesus has when he looks at me, his child!? And when he looks at Blair face to face everyday! WOW! Amazing huh!?
I wonder how Landon will feel when we tell him he has a sister in heaven, when he is really old enough to understand. Will he be sad? Will he want to go meet her? Will he long for heaven like we do? So many questions and things that I wonder. All I can think of is how I long to tell him about her and how we will get to see her someday. I look forward to telling him about Jesus and all he has done for us and that He is the only way to heaven. And how much he was a gift from Jesus to our family. He has restored joy, peace, and hope in our lives and I am so grateful for him!!
Here are some random pics from 3 months (ish)